In this report, I focus on editing the content of my opening statement for my college essay on the preparedness of freshmen college students today. My original opening statement is presented
here, and the updated content is
here.
- In the revised selection, I changed the content's focus away from exlusively myself. Originally, I discussed how my experience as a general chem TA and as a general chemistry student years ago helped me perceive the difference and change in student caliber over time. However, I realized that this introduction made it exclusively about my perception, whereas I really wanted a broader message about the way professors and teachers are viewing incoming students arriving at the university today. For that reason, I included quotations from outside sources as well.
- In the revision, I also altered the form slightly by making it a bit more formal in tone. The original tone was more personal and less removed, which made it more approachable but also slightly different than a typcal college essay. After reading more genre examples and considering their conventions, I decided that following the expectations of the genre would require a more academic and a bit of a distant voice, so I altered the presentation to match that convention.
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