Peer Review 12a

In this peer review, I focus on Sienna Willis' standard college essay titled "I'm Not a Barbie Girl but I live in a Barbie World." The essay focuses on barbie dolls and the new introduction by Mattel of three body types: 'tall,' 'petite,' and 'curvy. Her essay can be found here!

• In this review, I mentioned how there could be more content explaining whether she thinks Mattel has gone far enough, and what further steps could be taken. I was really impressed with the form of the essay, but I didn't walk away with a full understanding of what Mattel should be doing further to avoid hurting the body image and perception of young females who buy their products. 

• Although this doesn't directly address a student guide topic, it indirectly relates to using proper sources in your writing. In this particular case, Sienna did a great job including outside sources, but I don't think she used her own experience sufficiently. She didn't completely exploit the fact that she is a female who has personal experiences with Mattel Barbie doll products. Although, to be fair, her introduction definitely mentions her own personal connection to the topic.

• I think Sienna's paper really felt got me caught up in reading. I wasn't extremely critical while reading her essay, because she immediately caught my attention with an introduction that reminisces about her experiences as a seven year old girl. Because of the personalization of the essay at the beginning, it becomes a much easier and more enjoyable read.